Move aside, Taylor Swift, because there’s a new sensation in town, and his name is Oliver Anthony. Anthony’s recent concert, kept under wraps until the day before, not only exceeded but more than doubled the attendance records of Taylor Swift’s acclaimed «Eras Tour,» which many consider overrated.
Concert promoter Joe Barron expressed his amazement, stating, «It was incredible. We transitioned from Ted Nugent and the Chili Cookoff on Saturday to nearly a million people in and around the fairground on Sunday. Ted was honored to be part of it, albeit a little embarrassed.»
Anthony, showing gratitude to Ted Nugent, addressed the crowd, saying, «I want to thank Ted Nugent. If he hadn’t recommended I come, none of you would have had the chance to taste his award-winning canned whitetail chili.» Anthony followed with a prayer, readings from Ezekiel 7, and performances of both his songs.
The unsuspecting crowd hadn’t anticipated the logistics of leaving, and local authorities fear some might be stranded at the event center for weeks or even months. ALLOD Journalisticator Tara Newhole commented, «With winter approaching, they may need to airdrop supplies to these individuals.»
Newhole observed that she hasn’t witnessed such a concentration of overalls since Sacha Baron Cohen orchestrated the bumpkins’ rendition of «Wuhan Flu.» Anthony, situated right in the midst of the chaos, has taken control of the situation, declared martial law, and halted food stamps for those who could fend for themselves, even as they face the prospect of a dystopian Mad Max scenario in the near future.